WHEN I AM RICH!!!
Why Bill Gates SOLD OFF Microsoft...???
Letter from wallace to Mr. Bill Gates of Microsoft....
Subject: Problems with my new computer.
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.
2. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friends clicked 'run' he ran up to Amritsar ! So, we request you to change that to 'Sit', so that we can click that by sitting.
3. One doubt is whether any 'Re-Scooter' is available in system? I find
only 'Re-Cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
4. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly.. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this 'find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.
5. My child learnt 'Microsoft Word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft
Sentence', so when you will provide that?
6. I always wonder why you have kept 'Enter' button without
keeping the exit button ?
7. It is surprising that windows says 'My Pictures' but there is not even
a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.
8. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.
9. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past
Documents'?
10. You provide 'My Network Places'.. For God sake please do not provide
'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my
office hours.
Regards,
wallace
Last one from me to Mr Bill Gates :
Sir, how is it that your name is GATES but u are selling WINDOWS...???
巧合吗？
More Brain Stuff . . From Cambridge
Olny srmat poelpe can raed tihs.
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.
The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy,
it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist
and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs psas it on !!
Psas Ti ON !
处女膜的保证书
新娘在结婚的前夕，与前任男友旧爱复燃，一时情欲焚身便上床，由於没有带保险套，就用包火腿的塑胶膜代替。作爱时胶膜脱落，留在新娘
体内没有取出。
结婚当天晚上，那片胶膜又黏在新郎的宝贝上，新郎惊异地问：
『这是什么东西？』
『是我的处女膜。』新娘故作娇差地说。
『哦！我倒是第一次看到附有品质保证书的处女膜。』
TNB Online
有天晚上，老婆撒娇的和老公说：老公我的已经迟了一个月了，可能有了呢。老公十分兴奋的说 ：dear，我们还是先别公布，保密下，下星期我们看doctor确定后再说，免得空欢喜一场。这样俩公婆就很开心的睡觉休息去了。由于他们家上个月没有缴付电费，隔天TNB的员工就上门来追数了！TNB员工说：miss, 你已经迟了一个月了，快点把它settle掉，不然我难做啊！
老婆很惊讶的嘶喊：我迟一个月，TNB都知道？？？！！！！
TNB员工不肖的说：Aiya， miss，现在都IT时代了，我只要online check一下，什么都知道啦，没有秘密的啦！
老婆更失控的呐喊：什么？online都能check到？？！！！
TNB员工看到那女人好像发神经似，害怕下，就说：其实你迟一个月而已，有些人还迟了6个月呢，没事的，你和老公商量下，然后到Kedai TNB settle吧。过后就快快跑掉了！
她老公听了老婆的诉控，si bei 生气，隔天请了假到Kedai TNB去理论。
老公一进到TNB就对着counter大喊：你们脑袋有什么问题？吃饱没事做啊？我老婆迟一个月你们也这么kai po在internet唱啊！！！你们家里老婆难道没有迟过啊？是不是要我出lawyer letter告你们啊？？？！！！！
那个上门追数的TNB员工试着安慰发了疯的老公说：Mister，放轻松，放轻松，要settle其实很容易，只要给钱就是了．
老公更生气：Nia bei，还要lim bei给钱？？？！！！没有，去死吧！！！
TNB员工惟有说：这样的话，我们惟有切掉你的。。。。。
老公瞪眼说：切掉我的？？？我以后用什么啊？？？？？！！！！
TNB员工非常有型的说：Mister，你以后惟有可以用蜡烛而已啦。。。。。
够绝的回复
親愛的丈夫 : 經過我詳細的考慮 ,我認為我都是離開你比較好 .
我們一起己經七年了 ,
七年來我自問盡力做一個好太太 .
昨日我剛剛收到你公司的來電 ,
得知你己離職的消息 . 老實說 ,
我對你的將來有一點擔憂 . 上星期 ,
我去剪了一個新髮型 ,
煮了一些你愛吃的 ,
買了套新的睡衣 . 你回到家 ,
餐飯吃了兩分鐘你就去看電視 ,
看完電視就去睡覺 , 看都不看我一眼 .
我多渴望你可以抱我一下 ,
說一聲你愛我 ,
即使是騙我也好 . 無論如何 , 我走了 ,
保重 註 : 請不要找我 .
我己經搬去同偉文一齊住 .
重新建立一個美好的生活 .
你的前 任太太
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
親愛的前任太太 :
收到妳的分手信 , 我感到無限傷心 .
不錯妳我一齊己經七年 .
只不過你是否一個好太太 ,
我內心郤有疑問
我去看電視只是因為我不想聽妳嘮叨 ,
不過似乎作用不大 .
當然我上星期我留意到你剪短了頭髮 .
不過我見到第一個印象覺得妳好似一個男人 .
妳要知道我不是講假話 , 又不想傷妳心
所以我沒講甚麼 .
妳煮那餐晚餐確是花了很多心機 ,
不過不知你記不記得 ,
還是妳煮飯時當我是偉文 ,
我己經不吃豬肉十幾年了 .
可能你太大意了
妳套睡衣上星期穿著時忘記除去價錢牌
上面寫住 $4,999.
上星期偉文向我借了五千元 ,
我希望呢是一個巧合 . 但無論如何 ,
我心內還是愛著妳的 .
所以當我知道自己中了三億大樂透時 ,
立即辭職買了兩張機票 ,
想著和妳去夏威夷渡假 .
但當我回到家想和妳講時 , 妳己經走了 .
或者冥冥中總有主宰 ,
妳我是無緣做夫妻 .
今日我去律師事務所幫你問了如果離婚我要分幾多錢給妳
那知律師看了妳寫給我的那封信 ,
就說一分都不需要給 . 那也好 , 保重 .
註 :
我不記得我是否有跟妳講過 ,
我一生人最好的朋友 , 偉文 ,
是一個變性人 , 十年前原本是一個女人 ,
不過我希望呢對妳不會造成問題 .
妳的前任老公 ......
婆媳之间
为什么自古到今，婆婆与媳妇总是不和？原来。。。
1. 婆婆好辛苦花了5年教会儿子穿裤子，
媳妇却不费一句话，就使他快速地把裤子脱了。
2.婆婆用充满乳汁的乳房培育了儿子的生命。
媳妇却用没奶的乳房欺骗了他的一生。
3.儿子工作累了一天，婆婆叫他快去休息。
媳妇却逼着他上床做运动。
你说。。。做妈的那个不心疼？
白痴级的绑架信
亲爱的ｘ先生：或许你会奇怪，这次儿子怎麼混成这样，三天没回家了，跟你说喔，你的儿子在我手上，请尽快的准备100万给我，或者你还有的话，就能不能再给多一点，我也会很高兴。
至于你的儿子我没有欺负他，他叫我在信上写，说他其实比较喜欢我这个大哥哥，他说你秃头又很财迷，玩具都不买给他。我帮你儿子买了几个变形金刚，还送他一部脚踏车，这些很贵，除了原来的赎金之外，我希望你再多付买这些东西的5000零48元给我。
可是我想虽然你儿子不喜欢你，作為一个爸爸你还是要爱护你的儿子，这才是做人做事的道理，所以你还是应该要把小孩赎回去。如果你给了我100 万，我就会放了你儿子，可是如果你不给，那我也不知道要怎麼办，所以拜托你一定要给钱给我。
写到这裡，你儿子叫我一定要分段，我教育程度不高，不太懂，你儿子还骂我是白痴，我很生气，想打他，可是又打不过他。你儿子花我太多钱了，还说不打算回去，这个小孩很可怕，才十岁耶，会不会是你教育方式不正确，ｘ先生，以后须要多注意好吗？
对了都离题了，ｘ先生，我想说的事，那赎款你准备好就请用电话联络我，我夜间的电话是2XXXoXXX，要是找不到，可以打我手机，我手机号码是 09X9-xxxoxx ，或是直接到我家楼下按个铃，我的地址是X X 县X X 路X 段X 巷 X 号X 楼。我会亲自下来拿钱，然后把小孩还给你。
好了，我也不知道要写些什麼了，因為我跟你又不熟，没有很多话好聊，那麼，在此祝你福如东海寿比南山吧！就这样，再见！
ＰＳ：对了，你的儿子是猪头，他说他根本记不清楚你们家确实的地址，我怕会寄错，如果正在看信的这位人士不是ｘ先生的话，请帮我转交一下吧！
感激不尽！
绑匪ｙ先生 上
搜寻未来老公
一位女子，开出征婚条件有两点1.要帅
2.要有车
电脑去帮她搜寻 结果:象棋
这位女子，不服搜出的结果又输入
1.要有漂亮的房子
2.要有很多钱
电脑去帮她再次搜寻的结果:银行
此女子仍然不失望，继续输入条件
1要长得酷
2又要有安全感
结果搜出的结果是:ultraman
此女子仍然不失望，还继续输入条件
1.要帅
2.要有车
3.要有漂亮的房子
4.要有很多钱
5要长得酷
6又要有安全感
电脑去帮她再次搜寻的结果:
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.电脑去帮她再次搜寻的结果: ultraman在银行玩象棋
11个笑话让你领悟人生
1．父子二人看到一辆十分豪华的进口轿车。儿子不屑地对他的父亲说："坐这种车的人，肚子里一定没有学问！"父亲则轻描淡写地回答："说这种话的人，口袋里一定没有钱！"——你对事情的看法，是不是也反映出你内心真正的态度？
2．晚饭后，母亲和女儿一块儿洗碗盘，父亲和儿子在客厅看电视。突然，厨房里传来打破盘子的响声，然后一片沉寂。儿子望着他父亲，说道："一定是妈妈打破的。""你怎么知道？""她没有骂人。"
——我们习惯以不同的标准来看人看己，以致往往是责人以严，待己以宽。
3．有两个台湾观光团到rib伊豆半岛旅游，路况很坏，到处都是坑洞。一位导游连声说路面简直像麻子一样。而另一个导游却诗意盎然地对游客说："我们现在走的正是赫赫有名的伊豆迷人酒窝大道。"
——虽是同样的情况，然而不同的意念，就会产生不同的态度。思想是何等奇妙的事，如何去想，决定权在你。
4．同样是小学三年级的学生，他们将来的志愿同是当小丑。中国老师斥之为："胸无大志，孺子不可教也！"外国老师则会说："愿你把欢笑带给全世界！"
——身为长辈的我们，不但要求多于鼓励，更以狭窄界定了成功的定义。
5．妻子正在厨房炒菜。丈夫在她旁边一直唠叨不停："慢些、小心！火太大了。赶快把鱼翻过来、油放太多了！"妻子脱口而出："我懂得怎样炒菜。"丈夫平静地答道："我只是要让你知道，我在开车时，你在旁边喋喋不休，我的感觉如何......"
——学会体谅他人并不困难，只要你愿意认真地站在对方的角度和立场看问题。
6．一辆载满乘客的公共汽车沿着下坡路快速前进着，有一个人在后面紧紧追赶着这辆车子。一个乘客从车窗中伸出头来对追车子的人说："老兄！算啦，你追不上的！""我必须追上它，"这人气喘吁吁地说："我是这辆车的司机！"
——有些人必须非常认真努力，因为不这样的话，后果就十分悲惨了！然而也正因为必须全力以赴，潜在的本能和不为人知的特质终将充分展现出来。
7．甲："新搬来的邻居好可恶，昨天晚上三更半夜跑来猛按我家的门铃。"乙："的确可恶！你有没有马上报警？"甲："没有。我当他们是疯子，继续吹我的小喇叭。"
——事出必有因，如果能先看到自己的不是，答案就会不一样。
8．张三在山间小路开车，正当他悠哉地欣赏美丽风景时，突然迎面开来的货车司机摇下窗户大喊一声："猪！"张三越想越气，也摇下车窗大骂："你才是猪！"刚骂完，他便迎头撞上一群过马路的猪。
——不要错误地诠释别人的好意，那只会让自己吃亏，并且使别人受辱。
9．小男孩问爸爸："是不是做父亲的总比做儿子的知道得多？"爸爸回答："当然啦！""电灯是谁发明的？""爱迪生。""那爱迪生的爸爸怎么没有发明电灯？"
——权威往往只是一个经不起考验的空壳子，尤其在现今这个多元开放的时代。
10．小明洗澡时不小心吞下一小块肥皂，他的妈妈慌慌张张地打电话给家庭医生求助。医生说："我现在还有几个病人在，可能要半小时后才能赶过去。"小明妈妈说：" 在你来之前，我该做什么？"医生说："给小明喝一杯白开水，然后用力跳一跳，你就可以让小明用嘴巴吹泡泡消磨时间了。"
——事情既然已经发生了，何不坦然自在地面对。担心不如宽心，穷紧张不如穷开心。
11．一把坚实的大锁挂在大门上，一根铁杆费了九牛二虎之力，还是无法将它撬开。钥匙来了，他瘦小的身子钻进锁孔，只轻轻一转，大锁就“啪”地一声打开了。
——每个人的心，都像上了锁的大门，任你再粗的铁棒也撬不开。惟有关怀，才能把自己变成一把细腻的钥匙，进入别人的心中。
媽媽的毛
還在讀三年級的妹妹是個左撇子，一天老師回家前出了題作文題目，作為同學的家庭功課，圓圓急急忙忙的抄下題目就收拾書包回家了。回家後打開連絡簿，才看到作文題是 [ 媽媽的毛 ] ，這下可難倒這個三年級的小女生了 ，妹妹絞盡腦汁想了半天，才寫了兩行：『媽媽的毛，最長的是頭髮，最短的是睫毛』 ，就怎麼也寫不下去了，於是跑去問媽媽。
媽媽一看到題目是寫關於她的毛著實嚇了一跳，於是媽媽打電話去和老師理論，問老師怎麼出這種題目。
媽媽：『老師啊，你有沒有搞錯，孩子還這麼小怎麼能出這種題目呢？』
老師：『這作文題目有什麼問題嗎？我覺得小孩子越早寫這種題目越好。』﹝老師覺得這樣可以讓小朋友早一點知道感恩。﹞
媽媽：『有沒有搞錯啊？這老師是怎麼當的？』
老師心想，是不是媽媽不好意思在小孩面前自己誇讚自己，才不好意思寫？
於是說：『要是真的不會寫，也可以問問爸爸啊，參考一下他的意見。』
這時媽媽真的氣瘋了，生氣的罵： 『我說老師啊！你再怎麼樣也不能出媽媽的毛這種題目嘛！』
老師嚇了一跳：『我出的題目是 …『媽媽的手耶！』
爸爸的蛋
插发室????
说!!第一眼看到你们觉得是什么字?
CAN YOU SOLVE THIS?
THE BEST MATHEMATICS EVER!!!
NEW HOUSE AT PJ
I moved in to my new house(although it is just a rented house) at 24.05.09.Arrange all my things in proper way.
All just used up 20mins++, later on I carry on with my business in front of my new laptop.
Hahaha.....
Unfortunately, I cant on9 chating with friends since my celcom broadband's network is damn shit weak!!!
Oh my god!!!
I cant survive without internet.
I need civilization.
How can a modern city like PJ have such a weak networking?
The only thing that I sure is the networking at foreign countries is better than Malaysia.
UTAR orientation (26,05.2009)
On the 1st day of orientation at UTAR, I was very happy and eager to meet all new friends.After waking up at 7.00a.m. & dressed up, my roommate & me walk to PD block where the orientation is being held.
Taking 17mins & 34 seconds (I counted it purposely using my handphone), we reached our final destination( not the FINAL DESTINATION movie).
Oh my god, it was packed like sardines.
All are chinese students & few indians.
I am so happy because chinese are easier for me to communicate with them.
As I expected, nothing much to do at that day.
After done my registration process, I get a UTAR T-shirt, a lanyard, a PVC holder, a plastic file with sort of things about our orientation and a few survey for us to fill up.
Besides, I also wanna complain about the chairs they supply.
My backbone is damn pain after sitting on the chair for some time.
I also saw TAN WEI YANG & his friends from STAR(I think) and he is taking the same course with me(actuarial science).
I am still wondering whether wanna drop this course and choose another one.
Haiz.....................................
I rather go back to form 1 doing all kind of foolish things than making a choice for my future.
God, please give me some clues in making a decision.
YEAH I FINALLY OWN A LAPTOP!!!
Today(20.05.09), I followed my dad to a computer shop near Klang Parade namely call Contech to choose my laptop. After looking for a moment, I decide to choose a ACER model laptop which cost RM2350 together with a bag and a mouse. Is the price reasonable? The salesman keep on mention tat is the hottest laptop among all. Yet, I still cant get it today as they nid to help me to install some application like Microsoft office, antivirus and so on. Therfore, I can only get and touch my new laptop tomorow.MY NEW NUMBER
Yeah, I finally have a postpaid sim card dy.My new number is 019-9535323.
Such a nice and easy remember number!!!
But I still wondering whether wanna use my 017 sim card as well.
If I use two numbers, should I buy a new phone?
A normal or latest mobile phone?
Confusing......
Normal phone will only cost me hundred dollars, meanwhile, latest phone as I wish to own 1 ( SE W995) will kill my wallet throughly.
Therfore, FIKIR DAN RENUNGKAN!!!
UTAR
This is somewhere I am going to study at 1june.Bye Klang Utama!
I will miss U!!!!
T.T
17May
Today seems like I am going to wast my whole day outdoor.WHY?
Because my future roomate wanna c his room at PJ.
Therefore I follow my dad out early in the morning, around 10.00a.m.
However, we didn't go to our destination straight away, but did some unsettle business.
At 12.49p.m. we arrived and did what I had promised.
Wasting 2 hours lepak here and there.
Then I went to CELCOM center for my new celcom sim card and also my wireless modem.
I need internet otherwise I will get mad!!!!
JPJ
this is the place where i learn driving.all r only kancil
y m'sia r so poor?
14May
Today, I continue my driving lesson as I skip it last time to take part in national service.While doing my pre-test, I feel like damn panic and my hand was freezing.
Luckily, I pass my pre-test although scolded by the sensai thousands of times.
GILAKAH KAU................
KAMU TAU PANDU TAK?
These words are still surrounding my brainless brain(how can there a brain since I am brainless?)
I still wondering whether I can pass my actual tst at 22 may.
Especially naik bukit, today I am just lucky enough to stop right at the yellow line 100%, can I still do it during the actual test?
FIKIR DAN RENUNGKAN!!!!!
11May
Today many of my friends going to register at high school for form6.Keat loong
Ah lui
Ah hon
Ming lun
Tze pin
Wee pin
Sor yeong
Heoy sin
Lay kee
Sia fen
Loon han
Jia herng
Li xiu
Arun
Dinnesh
Kalpana
Rukesh
......................................................................
Only me acts like an empty case
Doing nothing at home
Except facing with my PC
Am i doing the right things?
Can I be success in such a way?
However, I still blur.....
Perhaps I can find my way soon.
8may
Finally, I am back PLKN camp! I am free now!
No more pumping
No more PT10
No more shit food
No more 'dessert' room
No more waking early
No more noise
However, I feel like missing these kind of life at camp.
Having fun with all my friends, from Selangor, Sabah or Sarawak.
Chating with each others.
Sweet memories are all left in my heart forever.
Although we all are going to say goodbye to each others, I will still remember all of you.
Don't know why, I suddenly feel like want to cry to express my sadness.
My tears fall out of control.
My swollen and reddish eyes still wishing to see the day all of us being together.
Goodbye, all my dear and lovely friends, you all are always in my mind until the end of my life.
Hope we can meet each other in this world in future!!
Friends forever
No more pumping
No more PT10
No more shit food
No more 'dessert' room
No more waking early
No more noise
However, I feel like missing these kind of life at camp.
Having fun with all my friends, from Selangor, Sabah or Sarawak.
Chating with each others.
Sweet memories are all left in my heart forever.
Although we all are going to say goodbye to each others, I will still remember all of you.
Don't know why, I suddenly feel like want to cry to express my sadness.
My tears fall out of control.
My swollen and reddish eyes still wishing to see the day all of us being together.
Goodbye, all my dear and lovely friends, you all are always in my mind until the end of my life.
Hope we can meet each other in this world in future!!
Friends forever
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